Pre-Baseball Game

I just got finished dressing Renesmee with Alice for a baseball game. Maybe Alice is rubbing off on me style-wise, or maybe I'm just interesting in dressing my daughter. Alice was picking out my baseball uniform to wear. Picking out something to play baseball in is about as inmportant to Alice as it would be picking out the million dollar dress on the run-way. But then again, Alice could also pick out the outfit AND flaunt it. Edward said that baseball is the only occasion that Alice ever lets you wear the same thing twice. Alice also offered to dress Leah, Quil, and Seth, too. Offer might not be the right word, though. Demanded and forced are good words. She wouldn't let Renesmee or I go without getting a new outfit, and she gave Charlie and Sue some outfits too. I cheer for Charlie not to wear the outfit, and he told me confidentally that he would humor Alice...but only one of his old baseball hats. Sue looked like she would wear the outfit and I don't know if that means that Charlie will to, but I wouldn't be suprised if he did. Leah accepted the invitation because Seth did--or at least that's what she says. It didn't take Quil much convincing. When Alice called our friend-werewolves in, I was out. Not that I have problems with them, actually it's not that at all, it's just that I didn't want to be obsorbed in any more faishon. I've had enough for the day. I went over my outfit, which Alice didn't make too girly:grey vest with black stripes, black underarmor, a black hat, dark blue pants, and grey and white striped socks. Nothing compared to Rosalie. Even though I look like her, she still is kind of dazzling to me. I glanced at Renesmee sitting in her father's lap talking to him, she was wearing: white underarmor, a baby blue top over that, black pants, and baby blue socks.
I distracted myself from thinking about fashion, and I looked at Jacob who was playing with his shirt. It was obviously a little tight, and he obviously didn't like the long sleeves. Emmett walked over to him and light pulled the end of his sleeves, and they tore off. I laughed a little and then looked back towards Renesmee and Edward. She looked some much like him, it was amazing. You could definetly tell she was our child. It was so amazing sometimes. I loved them both so much, that sometimes I wonder how people could live without this. I'm not sure if Edward was smiling at that thought of mine, or if he was smiling at Renesmee. Either way, he was still dazzling too. I went over to where they were sitting and sat by them. Renesmee grabbed my hand while she kept talking to her dad. Perfect moment.

One Day At A Time

Last night, we had talked with the Denalis, and then we went hunting. As unnormal as I thought it would be, it was very much like what normal people do. You know, friends meeting up and talking and laughing, and then going out for something to eat. It was very much the same, and very much different. Renesmee enjoyed it very much. I'm not quite sure where she got her trait for socializing, but she sure is good at it. She couldn't have gotten it from Edward or I. Edward and his brothers and sisters are used to being within themselves, and me, I just don't like it. Maybe she got it from Carlisle or Esme, defianetly not Charlie. I very much believe she got it from my mother Renee. I try not to think of my mother often, fore she knows absolutley nothing. And, honestly, I don't think about it enough to remember conversations through human eyes and ears.
Edward and I were sitting on the Cullen couch and he was just skimming through my thoughts. Carlisle was reading a book, and Esme and Alice were redecorating. Jasper and Rosalie were laughing with each other with Emmett's arm aroun Rosalie. Jacob was playing with Renesmee in the corner. Maybe playing wasn't the word I could use anymore, it was more like he was "talking" to Renesmee.
Since we didn't have anywhere to go today, it seemed to be like a good idea to discuss what I really wanted to. Right before I spoke Edward sucked in his breath and waited for me to speak. I announced, "I have a solution."
Carlisle asked immediatly interested, "A solution to what?"
"To what we're going to do. I mean, after Forks."
Edward said, "She was thinking, well, we were thinking that Bella and I could go to college for the semester, and since Nessie seems to be more than excited to start school, we could talk to her about the ground rules."
Jacob said, "And I wouldn't mind leaving...it's just that, how is this going to work? Should I change my name...or just pretend that I died?"
Alice announced, more out of vision than advice, "I would suggest that you go with a car wreck. But I would also suggest you tell your father what your planning."
Edward asked, "What about his pack though? I mean, since he won't really be dead, and they'll probably know that, they could definetly hear him. And Sam too for that matter."
Alice said, "Well, since I can't see in that subject, it only sounds right that you go about it that way Jacob."
Jasper adjusted himself and put his hand on Esme's shoulder. Esme looked up to him and smiled, looking relaxed.
Carlisle said, "It's definetly a stretch, for all of us, leaving this place, but I guess it has to be done. We could always come back...in about seventy years."
Rosalie smiled, "Yes, we always could. And, not to be pushing or assuming anything, but I'm very excited, and seems like they are somewhat too, Bella and Nessie to be going to their first school since."
Jasper said, "Well, we could let Edward and Bella go to college, and the other and myself could go to highschool and teach Nessie the ropes...unless you two would like to be around for that."
Carlisle answered, "Yes, well, we can let these two go to college, and maybe Esme and I could stay here for a little while with Nessie. But, only for cover's sake of course, you know grandparents taking care of grandchild while parents are away at college. Now, of course you guys could come here every night, without drawing attention. And as for the others, the children we could say went off to get their own place."
Emmett said, "Then after their done in college, we can hang out somewhere else for ten to twenty years, and then we could start over somewhere else with the norm. We could teach Nessie, and even Bella for that matter, the ropes, and get used to it again."
Esme said, "And then after a few more stops along the way, and before you know it, we'll be back here."
Jacob said, "It sounds complicated. And Nessie will have completly developed within the house after college years, so she'll be in, well I should say, she'll look like a high-schooler by the time it is to teach her the ropes."
I said, "Exactly, so it'll be easier to keep up with her."
"I like it," said Jacob.

The Denalis

My family and I headed up to the Denalis about a minute after we had presented Edward with his gifts. We were about to arrive, Edward said he could 'hear' them. I couldn't really hear much of anything, at moments I'll really zone-out, and hear things, but I find it hard to listen. It's very hard to deflect my own mind from Edward. I really should get a trip down to the Amazon. I've come to the conclusion that I probably need to, and that I've decided it okay for Renesmee to come. And she'd be thrilled. I'm also very thrilled with how polite Edward is with hearing my thoughts, he reads mine, which he's only read a couple of times, as he reads his familie's, of whom he has been reading for years. And when I mees-up he flinches his head a sixth-of-an-inch and then acts like he didn't notice.
I could now see the Denalis on the corner of the Alaskan woods. Renesmee could see them to, hanging on my back, she reached and touched my face. She showed me a scene of which I immediatly remembered: the clearing, with the Volturi. She showed me Irina and what happened to her, again. Clear as ever. Renesmee then showed me a peaceful picture of before that 'meeting': having the Denalis laughing, smiling, and mingling over at the Cullen household. Edward had grinded his teeth at the first showing, but then relaxed his jaw as she shifted to the next. Renesmee's then perfect child-like voice then spoke, "We're just visiting right?"
I could see what her question really implied: 'they're going to be happy like the second time, right?'
Edward answered for me, "Yes. And it's nothing to worry about."
Renesmee smiled her brilliant smile. For that short moment she was the spitting image of her father.
The Cullen family approached The Denalis, but I slowed with Renesmee, and so did Edward. Edward was confused by what I was doing, and so was I, because I didn't know what I was doing. I said, "I don't know, it just feels strange."
Edward said, "We don't have to go, love, if it makes you uncomfortable."
"There are just so many memories going in the back of my head," I said, "it's hard to think strait."
Renesmee said, "I'm sorry Mama."
"No honey, it's not your fault. Mama just feels a little strange."
Renesmee laid her head with her brilliant long curls into my shoulder. Edward moved a curl from her face and behind her ear.
Edward said, "Don't worry, it's fine."
I nodded and took his hand. We walked towards what family of ours we had.
I took a deep breath when Kate walked up. Socializing, good, I thought. Edward laughed out loud and then whispered to me, "I forgot, you weren't the socializer."
I whispered back, "How could you forget?"
He chuckled.
Renesmee smiled brilliantly at seeing others. I thought again, but differently, socializing, good.

Presents

Edward would be back with Nessie in a matter of about twenty seconds. Right now, everyone around me was setting up for his "party" while I was shielding their minds. Jacob went with Edward to try to buy us a few extra seconds, but that didn't work too well. So, my family was rushing around the room, and no doubt they would be done in about three seconds. I heard Edward's car enter the beginning of the side. Carlisle and Esme stood by my chair, with a card that invited us to Isle Esme. Now, of course, we wouldn't need plane tickets this time: it would much faster to run and swim. Alice hid the last of her bags under the staircase. I was honestly suprised she had enough room. Emmett was standing with Rosalie in his arm, and a video tape in his hand. Jasper was just going to tell Edward what he got, and Alice and I were going to tell him too. Also, another last minute present everyone thought of was: for me to remove my shield from myself during this whole birthday shindig. I could hear his quick steps through the door, I could here Renesmee's rapid and jumping feet, and I could hear Jacob slow and sluggish feet. When I heard his hand on the doorknob I completly removed my sheild from everyone (including myself).
Everyone said, "Happy Birthday."
Renesmee jumped up in Jacob's arms and Edward walked over to me. He sat down beside me and said, "You've redefined keeping a secret."
I said, "Only because you had redefined telling a secret."
"Well, thank you all."
Alice said, "Can we at least present to you what we've gotten?"
Edward sighed then smiled. "Sure. Go ahead."
Esme said, "Carlisle and I have invited you to spend a week at Isle Esme while we watch Nessie."
Emmett said, "And Rosalie and I have put together a videotape of your wedding."
Renesmee said, "Oh! Can I watch, too?"
"Of course," Edward and I chorused.
Jasper said, "And as our first outting, I've talked to the Denalis and we are invited over to their place. Well, Jacob..."
"I know, I figured as much: I'm not invited. However that doesn't mean I won't be, around."
Alice pulled the bags out and said, "Well, I've gotten you a new wardrobe."
"I see," laughed Edward.
I said, "And what Alice and I pulled together, is a baseball game. In two days we've got a big storm coming in, and since our first was such a mess-up, I figured it be better to have a good one. It can be Nessie's first sport, and Jacob is invited too, Jacob's invited his pack, and I figured..."
"It would be fine if you invited Charlie and Sue. It sounds like we've made sure that as long as he don't ask questions, it will be fine."
Nessie asked, "Who's team am I on?"
Emmett said, "Oh, I had an idea. I figured we could pick team captains, and then draw numbers. Since we have so many coming."
"That's a great idea," Alice said.
Edward said, "Well, we could go rock paper scissors for captains, or Alice could just tell us who would win."
Alice skimmed through some things in her head. Alice and Edward chorsued, "Jacob and Esme."
Jasper said, "Okay now, Alice, if we were to pick numbers out of a hat, who would be on what team?"
Alice skimmed again. She said, "On Esme's team would be: Leah, Quil, Emmett, me, Bella, and Carlisle. Which means on Jacob's team is: Renesmee, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Seth."
Sounds like fun, I thought.

Six Days Left

I have made sure the past six days to continue to keep everyone's mind blocked from Edward. It's nothing personal, and he now knows that. He probably feels so vulenrable because he's so used to knowing everything, and now he can't know anything. At least, he can't know anything that's unspoken.
Just yesterday after we put Renesmee to bed and sat down on our bed he got curious. I was sitting in his lap and he was playing with my hair. He asked me, "What are you thinking?"
I didn't answer.
He continued, "What are they all thinking?"
I said, "You know what Nessie is thinking."
"Yes, and that's always a blessing. Although, not being able to always read your mind is frustrating enough, love. Now you're asking me to handle that with everyone else too?"
"And you think it's not terribly frustrating for me to have you under my sheild too?"
He said, "No I don't know, why don't you tell me?"
I said, "I can't tell you, but I'll bet you can guess."
"Give me a hint, love."
I released a breath. I didn't need another one, but he was expecting an answer. I said, "You know what's in a few days."
"Of course I do, but that should be of no importance to anyone."
"So say you. Do you realize what makes this one specifically special?"
Edward said, "I'm not 150 yet, love."
"I realize that. But do you realize this is your first birthday with Renesmee and I in your life?"
He quickly understood. "Ah, I guess I hadn't though about that way. And I'll bet Alice is involved?"
I nodded yes.
"And I'm guessing she showed no mercy?"
I nodded again.
He put his hand on my cheek and said, "I don't need a gift. Like you said, I already have you. And more for that matter."
"I know, but I think some of it is a present for everyone else too. We all need an outting."
Edward kissed me lightly on the forehead. "This isn't easy for any of us. Being so connected to this place, and being all cooped up. Which brings me to another subject..."
I looked up at him and waited for him to continue.
"You remember how you had "figured out" what we were?"
"Yes."
He continued, "Well, I think if Charlie is able to do that, accept for to not announce it, but to think it to me, I could confirm him correct. Then, we could tell him that's what you've become, that is without using words. We could also tell him that he could become so too. But, we'll have to tell him the consequences. Today Alice saw something involving him and Sue."
It hit me. "Marriage."
"Correct, love."
"Which means that he probably wouldn't choose to become one."
"Yes."
"But he definetly would want to follow us, still."
"Yes, and with that, I have a conclusion. If he'd be willing to miss the family during the day, with our incredible speed, we could still live in Forks."
I said, "I'm willing to compromise."
He asked, "What's wrong, love?"
"I'm so connected to this place. I know the move and start has to happen, but that doesn't make it easy."
Edward kissed me on the lips and brushed his hand through my hair. He said, "We have each other love. I think that's enough of this place. Plus, let's not forget, if it's too hard, we could leave this place all together and just visit on occasion. Because it's not like we need the house."
I said, "As much as it kills me, I think that would be easier for everyone."
"I agree. And you're sure you're not going to tell me what you're planning?" He kissed me on the lips again and I immediantly knew what he was going for.
I said, "I'm positive, so don't even try it."
"You're sure, love?"
"Hmm, I guess you could try."

Edward's Birthday

Renesmee has continued to grow amazingly over the past few months. She's getting older and smarter everyday. She's smart enough to use the information she has acquired in her little time on this earth, and apply it to her curiosity.
She still enjoys showing people things, but Edward and I have been discouraging it. Not that we don't enjoy what she shows. Nor is it that we disapprove of who and what she is. It's just that, at some point, people around Forks, Washington are going to get suspicious and the Cullen clan is going to have to pick up and move on.
See, because I think about this very often, I remember seeing the Cullens the very first time through my mortal eyes. I remember seeing them and thinking they were just very fabulous high-schoolers. But, what I didn't know at the time was that go from high-school to high-school to keep up their cover. Which is what most of us think will have to happen. I say most and not all, because Charlie wasn't thrilled with the fact that we might have to leave, and Renesmee is kind of resenting leaving Forks, but Jake is really hating it more than anyone else. He believes that if we hide ourselves from humans we should be able to stay where we're at.
We had considered just picking up and leaving once, but then Jacob's father, Billy, had a heart-attack. Jacob was torn between his love for Renesmee and his love for his father. We decided to make it easier on Jake and stay a little longer, also when that happened we realized we didn't quite have a plan.
Edward didn't drop it, though, and neither did anyone else. What we're thinking, is that we'll leave this house the way it is, and make it seem like Esme and Carlisle are still living here and that the kids are off at college. Now, Charlie has been arguing like hell to keep us here. But, Charlie is very kind and very soft, so we're trying to break it to him easily. He and Sue seem to be getting along very well, is nice to see Charlie with someone. A little awkward, though. A vampire's father in love with a werewolf's mother. Charlie has been very concerned about Billy, and so has Jake. Whenever Jake gets a moment where he can pry himself away from Renesmee he'll go visit Billy. And, on occasion Edward and I will leave Renesmee with the family and we'll visit to. We don't believe Billy is going to last much longer, so we're going to try to stay until he and Jake have both moved on past what is inevitable at this point.
So, with all these things running lose everywhere, naturally, Renesmee got curious. She already knew herself what was happening to Billy, but she wanted to know if she'll get to go to school.
***
"Mama," she said, "will I be able to go to school like you and Papa?"
I said, "Listen, Nessie," her nickname had been being picked up by everybody, even me, "we're not even sure if we're going anywhere yet, let alone have we planned out what you'll be doing."
Nessie said, "Well, it seems like you should have something figured out. You and Papa talk about it alot."
"I know, honey, but that doesn't mean we've come to a compromise." Sometimes if feels weird talking to someone who, in the human world, wouldn't have any idea what I'm saying, but Renesmee understands completely.
"But Momma, I want to go to school to learn."
Alice had laughed from in the other room. Alice said, "There's not much they can teach you there Nessie that you don't already know."
Edward said, "No, what Alice originally though of was that she'll be so smart that it would be humiliating to Jacob."
Jacob said, "Hey."
Rosalie commented, "It's true dog." Rosalie and Jacob laugh with each other all the time, but, still sometimes they'll get mad and I'll have to send them outside--away from Renesmee--if Jasper isn't near. I had no doubt he was controlling a little right now.
Renesmee fidgeted a bit and walked over to Emmett. Emmett was her favorite to talk to in these situations because he'll always side with her. Emmett scooped her up and she touched his shoulder to show him what she was thinking. He was a sucker for a puppy-dog face, so seeing Renesmee's made him weak at the knees. I had wondered why she didn't go to Jacob instead, but even Jacob would side with what was best for her...not only what she wants. Emmett said, "This kid's got one creative mind. Do you think that it would be too suspicious if we started her with writing books now?"
Renesmee put her hand down again. Very stubborn. Very much like Edward. Sometimes during conversations like this Edward will stroke my face, or rub my arm, to show that he wants to know what I'm thinking. I'll pull back my shield from him and Nessie and then I'll repel it against myself. Sometimes it harder, but I find when I don't think about it, it is much easier. Edward was analyzing my thoughts when Emmett announced, "Nessie wants to go to school to be with people, and to be out and be able to mingle."
I thought it was great that Nessie wants to be out in public, but I didn't want to tell her or Edward this, I'm still kind of nervous about my self control around that many people. Before I was able to bring my shield back up Edward was able to read that. Jasper also sensed my nervousness. Edward said, "Nessie, you remember how you feel when you're hungry? Do you still remember slightly when you were inside Mama?"
She said, "Yes I remember." She didn't like this subject. Emmett walked over and placed Renesmee in my lap.
Edward asked her, "Did you like the feeling?"
"No."
Edward explained, "Well, it's a little too soon for Mama. She'll feel that way very often in a school. Except for worse. She's not ready yet Nessie."
Alice laughed again, "Look at that face Edward? Can you not see it? She's going to win anyway."
Edward looked at what Alice had seen. Edward smiled, "Yes, I guess I do see that."
***
But Renesmee's curiosity is the least of our problems. Edward has been seeing a swing in Charlie's thoughts lately. He's noticing a definite increase of curiosity. Edward had never shared that sometimes he had difficulty reading Charlies thoughts, so when he mentioned it I thought it was a very interesting thing. Alice has also been getting strange flickers of Charlie. Some involving wedding plans, some involving pain--which we thought to be the move or Billy's soon-to-happen passing, and some strange "looking." We say looking because other than researching there's no other way to put it. Edward has been keeping a close eye on that.

We don't go out anywhere very often. Not that we need to, but sometimes it feels strange to be around the same places. Speaking of going out, Edward and Alice aren't letting me go by anything reflective. They said it would've been easier if my senses were dulled as a humans. They're not going to let me see myself, because apparently some big transformation--big to a vampire and their keen sense anyway--is going to finish up very soon. They said I'll be able to look in a mirror around the time of Edward's birthday--which is in twelve days.
And that brings me to my next thing. Edward's birthday. Alice and I have been planning, and I have been keeping it away from Edward, which is why I don't show him what I'm thinking anymore. At least for this short period of time. It's a many part birthday present for a very big year: his first birthday with Renesmee and I.
Carlisle and Esme are sending Edward and I to Isle Esme for his birthday while they take care of Nessie. (Nessie loves her grandparents too, very much.)
Emmett and Rosalie apparently had planted video cameras places our wedding day, and they're going to give the video to Edward and I. (They also thought Nessie would enjoying seeing it as well.)
Alice is getting Edward a new wardrobe. (Go figure.)
Jasper is taking the whole family to another vampire's family and we're going to call it our first outing.
But Alice and I had also come up with a brilliant idea for the whole family. We have planned to take the whole family to a baseball game. We are going to take Charlie, but he's still not permitted to ask any questions. We have to be very careful with that. We imagine Charlie will take Sue. I think Jacob will be thrilled, and I also wouldn't mind inviting Seth, Quil, and Leah. Renesmee will love it very much, fore she's as physically talented as Jake. And it will definitely be appreciated by everyone else, because the first baseball game they attempted with me as a measly human didn't turn out very well. Alice and I plan to surprise everyone with this one. She has been "checking the weather" looking for a good thunderstorm. She said it looks like if we're lucky, we'll get to go two days after Edward's real birthday.

Anyway, I'm defiantly still not bored.